Hemingway From Hells Kitchen Warns Agents,'Poachers Beware: I Will Beat You With A Chair'

The Property Grunt is the New York City real estate agent who brought us the Open House FSBO fisticuffs story last month. The stealth blogger reminds us that it is a tough real estate market in New York City. A recent open house story reflects the regional flavor and personal narrative style that makes this blog so utterly fun and intriguing. Here is an excerpt:

"Getting an exclusive rarely happens over night. It takes years of mailings, talking to owners and tons and tons of rejection. Even when a broker gets an immediate exclusive it is a result of their toil in the past. That is why the Grunt maintains a firm policy of diplomacy when entering an open house even if the agent hosting it is a complete ass monkey.

"At one open house the Grunt welcomed an agent from a brokerage that the Grunt never heard of and was accompanying a couple. All was well until the agent in question asked a pair of buyers that were leaving the open house if they had representation and gave them her card in front of the Grunt.

"The Grunt was about to, as they say, put that agent into a world of hurt. But thought better of making a scene and berating the agent in front of a group buyers and chose discretion as a better part of valor. But the climate turned icy cold courtesy of the Grunt who went Iceman on her ass. The agent in question left with her buyers and tried to butter up the Grunt on how good the place was. Grunt smiled fakely and slammed the door.

"It doesn't end here. This over bleached blonde, leather skinned victim of the Jersey shore proceeded to cause more trouble at another open house. At the this open house the seller was present and the agent gave her business card to the seller in front of the seller's broker. The wench was lucky that she left with a full set of teeth because doing that is tantamount to urinating onto someone's new Ferrari in front of their face. The seller responded by handing off the card to the seller's broker."